I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
