I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what day is it and did you see me today?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
