if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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