Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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