Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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