I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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