she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
