You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
