i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All the doctor said was why
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
