well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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