4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
