you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
