I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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