"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
