I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
