There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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