Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
