Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
as a side note pls kill me
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