I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
