I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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