living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
