We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
