You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my liver is dry heaving
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
