We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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