I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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