I must be too annoying 4 u.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
