it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He shit in the fireplace
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