Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
