he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
time to smoke my breakfast
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
