I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
