It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
