We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
