Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
