Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I pour the whiskey from now on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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