yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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