The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dick has a subreddit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
