One girl and one boy is just not enough.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
