wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
