walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
