You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
