She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone came in the potted fern
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
