eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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