I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
