i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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