Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
