Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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