So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
