everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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