DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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