i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
